An au pair?

Childcare.  I feel like this takes up so much of my brain all the time.  We have done everything.  Nanny.  Nanny Share.  Grandparent help.  Daycare.  Since we moved to the suburbs we have been doing daycare/preschool.  You can call it preschool and I’m sure they teach Ben things, but it lasts from 730a-630p so let’s be honest, it’s daycare.  We loved our last nanny in the city (Not so much the nanny share nanny who became nanny from hell when we told her we were moving on.  Also not the nanny that fell asleep and sabotaged our nanny cam.  We didn’t love her either.) but Ben is older and needed socialization and from a cost perspective, you kind of need to commit to one form of childcare so daycare it has been.

But, now that baby #2 is on the way, and Ben is heading to Kindergarten in the fall (take a moment to process that if you need to.  Ben. Will. Be. In. Kindergarten.  Um.  I’m old.) we had to re-evaluate our child care situation.  Our local public school runs from 930a-330p.  Suuuuper convenient hours for any working parent.  I mean really, even if you work in this town, are you supposed to roll into work at 10am?! This is what started our dilemma.  What are we going to do for pick up and drop off.  They have before and after care at the local school, but I think that may bet you 8a-5p.  Still not really going to cut it for our commutes into NYC.  I considered another nanny.  Somehow the going rate for a nanny here is MORE than in NYC.  Figures. Because we have the space, everyone kept suggesting live in nanny which would be fine but you have to find that person.  Not everyone is dying to live with us.  Plus how much of a reduced rate do you really get?? (That wasn’t rhetorical.  How much??  Nobody can really tell me).

Then  we met a local representative for Au Pairs at a Touch a Truck event.  Do they have those everywhere?  I don’t remember touching trucks growing up but now they seem all the rage.  Back to the AU Pair.  An Au Pair is from another country, is between 18-26, lives with you and provides childcare for 45 hours a week.  You have to pay a million fees that confuse me and then a weekly fee to her, but when you add it all together it works out to be $350 a week.  A WEEK!  (This is cheap for us in case you live in another part of the country where I have come to learn child care is waaaaay cheaper than here).  $350 for 45 hours of child care.  How is this legal?  Pretty much thanks to a J-1 visa which ensures your Au Pair also takes 2 classes at a local college and thus is “studying” in the US.  However you want to sell it, we are in.  I also learned through my local moms group that Au Pairs are big in this area.  NYC not so much because one of the stipulations is that they get a private room in your house and by the time you have the money to actually have an extra private bedroom in NYC, you aren’t so much concerned with $350 a week child care.

As luck would have it for us, we have 3 private extra rooms.  One is currently fully occupied by Josh because he doesn’t dare sleep within 10 feet of me for fear that he sneezes, wakes me up and then I am mad at him for the next 7 hours because I can’t get back to sleep.   One is occupied by our office but I’m willing to sacrifice is necessary and move our office into ur formal living room because lets be honest, what does someone actually use a formal living room for??  And the final one is set up as an in-law apartment with its own private bathroom, kitchen and living room area.  The only catch is it is in the basement and I could see how at 18 from another country, me making you live in my basement may not be your first choice.  If that is the case though, we’ll just revert to the office/bedroom #5 which is on the main level of the house, still far away from the other 4 bedrooms.  Then our guests will have to sleep in the basement.  Hey, it’s better than the pull out couch from my first apartment that I could touch from my bed.  When we opened that the entire studio apartment became one big sleeping area.  It was…odd.  Be happy I have a real bed for you to sleep in and be done with it!

Now, there are a few catches when it comes to an au pair, one of which is they can only work 10 hours a day.  That may seem like a lot, but we are gone from 730a-630p.  11 hours.   Ugh.  Of course.  We debated getting two au pairs, then talked ourselves down from that ledge.  I think in the end, the solution is to still maintain a presence at daycare for the baby for 6 hours a day, basically when Ben is in school.  This kind of kills our initial cost saving argument as those six hours a day actually cost $400 a week…more than the au pair but it will bring me piece of mind that nobody is getting burned our from 11 hour days with our infant.  The Au Pair will still do mornings and afternoons and we will have loads of time left over for the week to maybe possibly get dinner alone together once a week.

So that is where we are at.  Au Pair search has commenced.  Baby is on waiting list at daycare.  In law basement apartment is getting cleaned out of being our personal storage area and returned into a useful space.  I have LOADS of commentary on the search process that I will enlighten you with in future writings.  I know.  You are so excited you can hardly hold your breathe.

Deciding on having a Doula

I’m starting to learn having a doula is a very New York/LA thing.  This isn’t to say there aren’t loads of doula lovers in between, but it just doesn’t seem as common.  For those that don’t know, a doula is a sort of birth coach.  Definition: A birth doula is a person trained and experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after childbirth.  I like to think of it as a supportive friend or your mom, with a lot more training.  I confirmed there would be no new age hippie anything.  No chanting or having me envision being wrapped with light.  Not that there is anything wrong with those things but they just aren’t MY thing.

We decided to use a doula once we realized we would most likely have to go through a birth process this time around.  With Ben, we just walked over to labor and delivery (after an ultrasound where the doctor said, you are going to have this baby today) and waited a bit.  Got an IV, got a spinal, had a c-section, had a baby.  There was no pain, no contractions, no coaching, no nothing.  Some may say I missed out on the whole birth experience, which I did, but…ehhh…we ended up with a baby and that is really what the whole point of the birth experience is anyway.

Regardless, this time around, I don’t want to just go straight c-section.  I feel like I should at least TRY going natural before giving up and begging for a c-section.  Natural birth seems like it may be stressful.  Josh is fantastic under stress but not under stress where I am involved.  He says I get intense.  I have no idea what he is talking about.  If anyone has heard me tell stories of my mother at Ben’s birth, she was clearly out too.  If you haven’t heard the stories, the short version involves her answering her cell phone and making plans for her friends to get rides to the beach while I was getting prepped for major surgery.  She remembers it differently but I will not be reliving anyone answering their cell phone for chats about the weather while I am potentially in pain.  Plus, someone needs to hang out with Ben.  She seems much better suited for that.

Which brings me to…a birth doula!  When I got recommendations, people were split between two local companies.  I will be honest and tell you I only spoke to one and was sold.  They told me how the doula will do basically anything I need.  Massage, relaxation techniques, don’t touch me if I say not to, communicate with nurses and doctors when I don’t want to, pretty much be my best friend who I can yell at, or not, and she won’t be offended.  She comes to our house once I’m in labor, helps us get ready to get out the door, then stays with us for the entire ordeal.  I confirmed, ENTIRE, even if it takes three days.  She then hangs out for a few more hours, gets you settled, then disappears.  At first I was convinced this had to come at a high premium.  I mean, three days?  Plus I live in the capital of charge you three times as much for anything than anywhere else.   But surprisingly, it is reasonable.  I’m sure my reasonable is different that yours (again, we came from NYC) but honestly, it’s about what I pay for my heating bill for a month.  And since I am due in June and there is no heating bill that month, I consider it a wash!

So that is really it.  We hired our doula, will have an in depth meeting about expectations in May and then I wait to go into labor. Oh, I can also call her 500 times in between with questions about pregnancy or labor or the weather or really whatever I want.